(By Angagaw Birle)
Ladies and gentlemen, cancel the geography class—
Addis has a coastline now. What a time to be alive!
Why negotiate for ports? Why worry about trade?
Our visionary planners have found a better way:
Forget the ocean, forget the shore—
Just wait for the rainy season and open your front door!
The Prosperity Party has delivered once again:
Not roads without potholes—
Not traffic without pain—
Not drainage that actually drains—
But an ocean!
And, thankfully, it comes free with every heavy rain.
Who needs Djibouti? Who needs a harbor?
We have something much more modern:
A taxi that becomes a submarine.
Your street is flooded? Congratulations!
You’ve been upgraded to waterfront property.
Your basement is full of water?
Luxury marina.
A pothole has swallowed half your car?
Relax—
It’s a natural harbor.
And that giant puddle outside your house?
Don’t call it flooding.
Please use the official terminology:
“Strategic aquatic development.”
Why build drainage systems
when we can simply build confidence?
Why repair the roads
when the rain can redesign them for free?
Why construct a coastline
when every rainy season gives us
a temporary one with absolutely no maintenance budget?
Meanwhile, our neighbors are busy with ports,
ships, containers, cranes, and international trade.
Amateurs.
We have something far more advanced:
A minibus that needs a life jacket.
So let the world know our great achievement:
We are landlocked—but only technically.
Because when the clouds gather over Addis,
the capital transforms before your eyes:
Roads become rivers.
Potholes become lakes.
Roundabouts become islands.
And pedestrians become Olympic swimmers.
Behold the miracle of prosperity!
No need for a coastline.
No need for a navy.
No need for a harbor.
Just give us one thunderstorm
and we become a maritime nation.
So raise your umbrellas high, citizens of Addis!
Forget “Land of Origins.”
Forget “landlocked.”
From now on, let history record the truth:
ETHIOPIA:
Landlocked by geography,
waterfront by government achievement.
WELCOME TO MARITIME ADDIS—
WHERE EVERY RAINY SEASON
IS A FREE TRIAL OF THE OCEAN.